at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
