found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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