that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
