Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
