real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just threw up on my dentist
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
