people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
