I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
