Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend

(1-727): View more from Florida

Awkward

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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(760): View more from California

Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.

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(630): View more from Illinois

YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.

(630): View more from Illinois

you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed

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(812): View more from Indiana

Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade

(1-812): View more from Indiana

I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.

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