Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
