careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
