Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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