we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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