I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
