I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
