I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
