i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
