I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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