Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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