the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
