Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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