just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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