K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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