hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm always down for nudity.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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