when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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