oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
