i just google imaged poop.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
