There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
