He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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