i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
