the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
