Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
