please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
