All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
