so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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