Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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