Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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