Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
