She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
