Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
