I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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