If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
