how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
