He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
