So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
