my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
