I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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