Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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