This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
