You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
