Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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