FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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