who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
